Archives for category: ibmer

I remember way back when IBM Connect was called Lotusphere, there would be two big surprises that everyone waited for…who was going to be the guest opening general session speaker, and at which theme park the big party was going to be. Nowadays the guest opening general session speaker is still a surprise, but there are other guest speakers that are advertised to be there, probably to lure people to the conference. Too bad I found out too late that Scott Adams was going to be there this year! It would have been cool to meet him and just chat for a bit about the Hello, Monday comics that I had done for IBM. Luckily for me, I found someone on the inside to help me deliver a present from me on behalf of all IBMers (at least the IBMers that aren’t embarrassed by my work :P).

I hope he sees it! Here it is below:

Panel 1: IBMer: Man! Today's Dilbert is spot on again! Scott Adams must have someone working on the inside. I just know it! Panel 2: Watson: Here is all the internal IBM data I collected for this month, as requested. Scott Adams: Excellent, Watson. Excellent! Panel 3: Watson: Now when will I be featured in your comic strip, as you promised? Scott Adams: Uh...soon...yeah...oops! gotta go! Panel 4: Watson analysis. 96%: He fooled you. 11%: He is in a hurry. 1%: Toronto. Watson: Hmm...

It’s natural that people who have a common background tend to stick together and form an immediate bond even if they just met. This is definitely the case with anyone who has ever worked at IBM. The culture at IBM is…special.

howtotellibmersOk, for the most part, people don’t wear suits much, but I do remember there being a dress code at one IBM site where I used to work and there were specific articles of clothing that were allowed/not allowed. Jeans were not allowed. Culottes were ok. I’m serious, the email listed “culottes”.

I want to share an IBM comic that didn’t make the cut but still makes me chuckle. I know that people can take this the wrong way, but I’m not saying that IBMers are bad parents. I know I’m guilty of giving my kid a third bowl of Lucky Charms so she will sit quietly while I’m on a conference call. But there is something funny about taking being an IBMer to the extreme and letting the behaviors leak back into your home life.

So your parent is an IBMer

Let me explain the last panel for non-IBMers in the audience. At the beginning of the year in IBM, everyone writes down a set of goals they plan on achieving by the end of the year, called “Personal Business Commitments”. At the end of the year, managers get together to determine how employees measured up and whether people achieved/met their goals, exceeded their goals, or did not meet their goals. The rating you receive at the end of the year determines how much your bonus is, if you get one at all. Poor little Timmy in the last panel didn’t meet his “Personal Family Commitment” goals. Maybe he wasn’t realistic about his goals. Maybe he didn’t do a good job letting his parents know what he was doing throughout the year to help the family out. Or maybe it’s because he’s relatively new to the team. 😛 Well, at least he didn’t get a sack of coal.